is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
