dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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