Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
