Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My vagina just clenched in fear
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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