Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
