it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
