my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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