She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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