Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
