I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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