I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
