Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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