I skipped work to stalk him.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
