do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
