i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
