Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
