shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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