The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
