I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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