im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
