About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
