Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
