It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm at about main and main street
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
