People with herpes should wear stickers.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
there is puke in my bra ... again
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