My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
