4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
