idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
