A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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