Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
