Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
