he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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