i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize
