I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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