There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
