Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
