I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
