maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
