he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
