butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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