So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
