I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
