I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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