I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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