I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
