Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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