What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we made out on top of his cat.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
