I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
