i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
