Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
