you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think I am morally bankrupt
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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