I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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