Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
