I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
